BEAUTIFUL BLENDINGS: [On my Heart]

I have been through all kinds of emotions this week that I wanted to share with you but it's funny how sometimes you sit down to write and it all just seems less important. We all have "stuff". And each one of our "stuff" just seems like THE WORLD when it's happening to us but what I love about this venue is that I can let all that go and just be. I feel as though you all can just know me for whoever I want to be, depending on what I share. But here's my secret.....I share it all. I'm sort of a "no-hold-back" kind of writer. Always have been. Much to the distress of people closest to me sometimes. Oops.

Here's the thing. Sometimes I wish I didn't dream. I have the type of dreams that force me to deal with all the stuff that I try not to think about all day. So all night long ....I'm STRESSED. Oh ya, it makes for a very tired me in the morning. And then I'm grumpy. And then things happen like my car needed to be fixed (and costing $1000 btw) and me realizing that that's 1/3 of what I owe on that car still and I really shouldn't pour more money into it that I do NOT have. UGH. Then the kiddos throw food all over the floor, and are cranky and won't sleep. See all of this happens and then after work... I see my fella and know that I want to be in A GOOD MOOD. But then he is grumpy and I get RE-grumpy again. And these are my days. Everyday. ALL the time. But I try.

Then I come to my computer. And I have a blank canvas. I have people who understand me although they've never met me. And who are compassionate. And LOVING. And it makes me want to cry. I want you to know that I LOVE you. Thank you. Life will continue to happen. And as a quote I heard goes:

Oh how it does. I'm focusing on myself. Making the right decisions FOR ME. And I will deal with the consequences as they may come. Because what is a life without happiness? I NEED happiness. I DESERVE happiness. So I will fight to the death to figure life out. So what if it's not going "as planned" or if I'm not where I thought I'd be. Doesn't make me a bad person. Doesn't mean I'm living it wrong. There's no such thing. The only person I can blame for my bad days is me.

The change is going to be hard. And rough. But I hope you'll stick with me.