Today so far is sucky.
I got a another dose of life that I just wasn't prepared for and it led to an hour long sobbing crying session where my amazing man just lay next to me and rubbed my back. 
He didn't try to talk. He didn't ask me why. 
He just let me cry and let it out.
When I was finally ready to talk he let me be unreasonable.
He let me hate the world.
And he listened to and understood how life is just unfair and how WE always get handed CRAP.
And this is just how I need it to be right now. 
I should have a better attitude.
I should keep my head up and realize there are good things I have that others do not.
But today I need to be upset.
And I decided to share this with you because it's reality. 
And this blog is dedicated to the good and the bad. 

I want to share something with you:

-a house I own
(Or just to be able to confidently rent with my guy for now)
-a car that's paid off in full
-no more school debt EVER 
-an etsy shop
-time to create beautiful things for my etsy shop
-my children's books published
-time to achieve above goal
-a blog that makes me and others happy
-health insurance
-to one day, down the road, when we are fully ready... Marry my amazing man
-a job for my man that he loves and not just does to pay the debt


-Owing a crazy ridiculous amount of $$ to TWO schools that I can't pay
-Quitting school because it makes me unhappy, and then NOT being able to follow my dream STILL
-Having no $$ to afford to see my mom (who is my best friend and I haven't seen in 3 years. She's never even met my man and that's ridiculous to me)
-Feeling burnt out on my job (as much as I love it too) but KNOWING that I can't afford rent/bills if I do anything else
-Knowing that finding ANOTHER job right now (especially in Oregon and with my stupid worthless degree) is near impossible anyway even if it did pay well
-Being trapped in this catch 22 where I am never ever ahead of this crap but instead always behind
-Being afraid and let down about everything
-Feeling like I make all the wrong choices and that's why I am in this cycle

And I could go into more detail but I feel like we all have our stuff. Everyone is in debt, everyone wants something different, and everyone feels let down sometimes. 
I'm just saying that for the past 6 or more years.....

And I'm desperately trying to break the cycle. You can read about that here
But then days like today happen. 
And send me back to square one.
And I feel like the world is laughing in my face saying, "Ha, we stopped you again". 
Because friends, 
I really am in a big JAM. 

I need some suggestions.
How have you overcome being in a JAM. 
 I'm done crying today. 
I hope.

But the one shining light. 
Boyfriend just got the call for the job he's been waiting for.
That's so amazingly wonderful.
I'm so happy for him.
I guess one of us had to have the bad news.
Too bad it was me.
I guess life is funny like that.


  1. Oh boy, that sucks. Student loans are the worst (I know, I've got one). And not having health insurance, all i can say about that is "come and live in Canada or Australia!" It always amazes me that healthcare isn't free in the US, it just seems so fundamental. Anyhoo, that's a topic for another day... I hope you feel better soon and yay for your boyfriend for getting a new job!

  2. I'm sorry Tara! I had those moments a lot when I was younger too! Waiting for everything to fall into place is tough. At the time it feels like forever, but you will look back and you will see why you had to wait. I've learned this time and time again. Good things come to those who wait is what my mama always told me and dang it...she was right. :) It might not seem like it, but you're doing some amazing things and impacting people every day in a positive way!

    Life will soon begin to make sense....just you wait. :) LOVES!

  3. If you need to talk I'm willing to listen and might could offer some advice. Been down this road before and know it all too well. Currently working diligently at paying off all of our debt and being really successful at it! Hated many a jobs, but longed for the paycheck.

    What a great man to just let you cry it out and then talk when you are ready. I love that feeling!!

  4. Hi! I'm a new follower, I saw Giggles, Glitz and Glam tweeted your blog.


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