about a boy

this is a post I needed to write. 
this is the most difficult for me to write. 
it comes from the deepest part of my heart.
i just thought you should know. 


Nearly seven years ago I met a man. 
He was gorgeous. 
In the most handsome way.
Stunning blue eyes.
Strong comforting arms.
And a smile that literally made my legs melt.
I was smitten.

  We quickly became friends. 
Shared conversations. 
Experienced some really fun times.
Like eating poutine at the bottom of Whistler mountain.
And had some hard down times too.  
Like finding out one of our best friends had brain cancer. 

We were really great friends for four years.
But never more.
And then one day....
A few months after having my heart broken...
He was there. 

And I was scared. 
He wanted to be with me.
Wanted to hold me, kiss me, experience life together.
But I knew hurt.
And didn't think I could do it again. 
So he was patient.

And after time,
And MANY talks about what I NEEDED...
October 9, 2008 
He filled my heart. 

What has happened since then has been ....
a rollercoaster
.... a million pieces forever written on my heart.

He makes me happy. 

He makes me feel like I can be just me.
...the girl who cries ALOT
...is the most indecisive
...picky appetite
...sugar fiend
...with career and life ADD
...body always broken
...unrealistically jealous
...huge dork
....hopeless romantic
....with so very flaws

And I can tell him everything.
He catches me when I fall.
And is my VERY best friend.

He's forgiven me some huge mistakes.
That I'm not sure I could even forgive myself for.
And he has shown me grace.

He makes me stronger.
And challenges me to do my very best.

And when he cries,
I fall so much deeper in love.

I am in love.

And after 3 years together....
we have hit a cross roads.
It has been all over my heart in the past week.
And some days I just feel numb.
Because I can't cry or think or talk anymore.

I believe in our love.

I want to move forward.
Continue to be challenged
and happy
But only time will tell.

I'm willing....
and a fighter.

and after this almost 7 year journey...
what can't we conquer?

i hope.


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